When people claim they’re cuter and smarter than you when they’re really not..
The night time is such a scary time. With no light, condescending thoughts tend to drown you in your own mind. The only real solution is to sleep, but with these thoughts, how could you really sleep unless exhausted? I just wish I wasn’t so scared of the fears and thoughts that pop up at night.
I have a tendency to mess things up when I get comfortable with them. I don’t want to feel comfortable, nor do I want to have a roller coaster of emotions and events to happen. I can’t explain what I want, but all I want are butterflies when I talk to the person I have feelings for, surprises that make me have faith in friendships and loved ones, or a life where I’m not in a constant rut or routine. I just want a happiness that won’t be temporary.
I realize how much of an idiot I’ve been lately. Seemingly leading on guys without realizing how my actions affected others. I hurt friends, friends that I really don’t want to lose. I was so lost in my ego and emotions that I didn’t realize what I was doing. Luckily, I caught what I was doing, and know how to stop. I can’t hurt anybody, I can’t mislead anybody anymore, and I can’t keep acting like a child anymore. I’m not who I appear to be, and it’s time to man up and prove it.
Instead of trying to make sense of your feelings, you should sit down, compose yourself, and sort out everything, one by one. Constantly questioning why something is a certain way doesn’t fix anything. We all get scrambled around once in a while, and the only person who can truly unscramble your thoughts is you.
Ever want to give somebody everything? Show them amazing sights, do amazing activities, and just do wild and crazy things? I always feel as if what I do is never good enough for the person I’m with. I do what I can, and within time, I can do amazing things. I wish I could do more, I always do, but I can’t. I can only do certain things within my power, and there are certain things I just can’t, regardless of how much I actually want to.
So to hear, “if you really wanted to, you would,” breaks my heart because I’m trying, and that statement just proves what I’m doing isn’t good enough. It’s never good enough.